Iv'e thought about how to tell this story for a long time. Trauma is something truly awful, resurfacing with the most mundane things that most people wouldn't bat an eye at. Even with time, people age and things that were once thought to stick with them until death in a twisted marriage of memories, those memories fade and they continue. This is not a luxury that I have, filling every waking moment of my existance with things to distract myself lest memories resurface that shouldn't have. A TV or a fan, just something to fill in the space. When power cuts out and I am left in a room sitting still and wishing that something would come through the dark room and stop my suffering, but the monster never comes. Before the end of days reaches it's hands out to me in a warm embrace and I stretch out my hands to it, in hope that someone sees this, I will describe my stay at the Evergeen Hotel.

Part 1- Beginning

Working a night shift at a graveyard isn't a foundation for a healthy person. I knew that when I took the job, but it's the only thing that I could find actual stability in. After a few months I planned on saving up to go on vacation, just for a week, nothing crazy. I chose a trip out into the mountains because being there can only be described as the kind of warm homeyness. It consumes you in a blanket of comfort, a warm mug filled with hot chocolate made the way only your parents could know how to make. A lit fireplace under the TV, the dog sat under your feet, a christmas cartoon playing loudly over your family's indistinct chatter, it's home. This is what I felt when I saw the Evergreen Hotel ad across the street. It looked like a photo out of time, the mental image of someone recalling something from their childhood, mixed memories and home recording melded into a singular photo under the logo. A husband and wife, two kids and a dog standing next to each other in front of what looked to be a wooden mansion sitting atop a hill held between the peaks of the mountains. The logo was a wooden house with evergeens on both sides of the door and the tagline under it reading, "Evergreen Hotel, the best in business since 1999!” After reading the address under it seemed to be located in a local area known as the Tri-Pine Peaks. A meeting where three mountains create a cosmic harmony of beautiness, only accessible by a single road in and out. I really should've done more research but it spoke to me beyond my being and into my soul, serenading me with lovely false promises that it never could keep. The silver tongue of a liar, catching any that fall for it's whispers and unfortunately for me, my ears were wide open.

Part 2- Evergeen

It was 9:30 at night when I arrived and suprisingly warm out for being in the mountains. When I arrived a valet boy was standing on the side of the road.

"Hello Sir, would you like me to park that for you?"

"Sure, but I don't see any parking spaces around here"

"Not to worry! Evergreen Hotel has been the best in business since 1999!"

"Yeah, but wha-"

Before I could even finish my thought, the guy kept repeating the line. He couldn't have done it for more than a few times. It was like a recording of this man was being played on repeat back and forth in front of me. It scared the hell out of me, but I didn't have much of a choice, it was near pitch black out and despite my better judgement I just let it happen, I was a fool. When I hopped out to get my bags and got them out of the back, he stood there staring at me before getting in my car and driving it to the back of the hotel. Thankfully the receptionist wasn’t as weird.

“Hello, welcome to the Evergreen Hotel, will you be staying with us?”

“Yes ma’am”

“Great, and for how long sir?”

“Just the weekend”

“Wonderful, just for 1”

“Yeah”

“Would you also like to have someone come and get your car parked?”

“No thanks, the valet guy outside parked it”

“Um, ok, well I hope you enjoy your stay here at Evergreen Hotel!”

“Thank you, I will”

She passed me the key for my room, 930. The inside of this place was beautiful, the walls had this beautiful dark veneer pasted over every side, the fireplace that sat near the back was encased in very light brick with a small gate covering the front. Just like the photos of the outside, this place brings you back to a cozy winter evening, it consumes you, the room feels warmer, the lanterns hung around go in and out rhythmically. Couches spread around the middle. Stairs on either side led to the upstairs, the railing was aged, you could see where the wood had worn away. Across from it was a bar, the velvet carpet turned into a marble flooring, it stretched to either end of the room, the drinks stacked in monuments to people’s need to drown themselves, the bartender holding their heads below the water. There was a sign attached to the left and right side of the room, the left read 901-914 and the right read 915-930. Long hallways lined with wood paneling led to identical doors, each holding someone. I stared into the consuming abyss of this space. The bartender yelled something at me.”

"Huh?”

"Sir, are you okay?"

"Oh yeah I guess I just zoned out”

"Well would you like a drink?"

"NO!”

An empty silence proceeded the building, it was all still for so long. I didn’t think I had yelled, I reacted without control, I swore I would be better than him yet here I am.

“Shit sorry man, I just haven’t been doing well for a while now, I really need some sleep.”

After I had said that he seemed to relax, he asked if I wanted to talk about any problems but I just brushed him aside. I walked down to the end of the hallway, the room was tucked into the back. I set my bags down onto the bed and continued to familiarize myself with the room. It had a pleasant quality. Everything serviced the astethic of a log cabin on a mountain. Unfortunately I couldn't open the bathroom as it seemed to be locked. I decided to go ask the receptionist about this but when I went down I noticed that she wasn't at the desk, as I looked around I saw a wooden door that had been just behind her earlier. As I got close I could barely hear her voice on the other end. It sounded like she was on a call. It was muffled and quiet, she sounded scared. The outside never looked so serene. Pure, emptiness, not even the night sky shone through the darkness. If only I could have reached out to it, held onto it for eternity. I fell down from my deludge back into reality, and with it, he showed himself. It wasn't at first, a lighter shade of dark barely visible under the empty sky, but He was there. He's always been there, always. I didn't want to accept it, I closed my eyes and hoped for him to be gone. He never is. He never is. The receptionist came throught the door to ask what I was doing, said I looked sickly and feverish. I just said I was taking a breather to look at the outside because I was going through a bad fever the past few days. Asked if I needed any meds, I said no. He left, but it’s only temporary, it’s always temporary. I didn’t see it before but there was a sign pointing to the sauna they had. I was tired and needed to relax.

Part 3- Sauna

As I walked to it my eyes began to weigh heavy, as if sleep itself was gently pressing on my temple and eyes, soothing me into a gentle slumber, a puppet of a cosmic coma. As I hit the ground, my body jolted awake to see the cracked wooden door, a golden label "SAUNA". When I stepped in I saw several stalls, I got a towel and pushed forward. In the sauna sat one man, he looked old, about 60 or so, tired with wrinkles adorning his whole face, grey hairs all over, he seemed to be relaxed, almost at peace.

"What brings you here boy?"

"I thought I might feel better if I came and tried to relax"

"Well I've seen that look before, and it ain't something of the body"

"What?"

"You been around long enough, you recognize things, little things, peoples problems, their worries, their hopes, it all comes and goes"

"How long have you been here?"

"Who knows, I sure as hell don't"

"What does that mean?"


"Oh nothing, you got me rambling again, anyhow, I'll be around"

"Wait!"

As he left the sauna, I ran after him. By the time I opened the door, he was gone, no trace of him at all. he was such a strange guy, I couldv'e sworn I'd seen him before but I don't know where. The memory is clouded and fuzzy and if only I could reach out and clear away the smoke it could become visible. As I walked back to the main area the same feeling washed over me once again and I was awoken by my body hitting the floor. When I woke up I sat slouched staring into the wall, and just like it he had gone. I wish he could stay for a bit longer, talk longer, he shakes his head when I ask him to stay. his memories are cloudy, like he shields the truth behind a fog.

Part 4- Memories

As I fell onto my bed, my mind was still occupied with thoughts of the man in the sauna and the man outside. The ceiling fan spun perpetually, gaining speed slowly, within minutes the fan was spinning faster than anything I’d seen before, it began to grow, as my eyes unfocused from the ceiling, it engulfed my view in a blurry mess, I was enveloped in its blades. Nothingness, then stars appeared. Mountains popped into view as the hotel grew out of the ground, then Him. I could see a grayish figure standing at the door of the hotel. I wanted to run up to him but my feet were stuck. As I looked down I felt the ground sinking, as the gravel consumed me I could see his mouth move, it whispered to me. He knows things, He can teach me things, unknowable things, then I was under the ground. Wood panels surrounded me, then there was the sauna. I could hear someone coming closer and as he opened the door, bright lights surrounded him as he sat down with me, we were in the hotel together now. I wanted to ask what was happening but my mouth felt like it was being forced shut. he pointed at the main area, then He was there, then the memories came.

Every year my father would take us to the hotel, he owned it. My father always made us be there with him when He would make an announcement about new features in the hotel. My father was a bastard. A drunken one. My mother couldn’t do anything, God knows she tried, she tried so hard for us, my brother always got the worst of it. Every couple weeks we spent hiding away in our rooms, we cried so much, we wished that our tears could flood the house and carry us away, away from Him. The worst thing about abuse is that it came from someone like Him. Someone we were taught to look up to and respect. At first it wasn’t noticeable, our mom would shoo us away into another room before He could see us, after a while she wasn’t so lucky, everyone was there with marks to prove it. When it first happened He never tried to apologize or explain his actions, He just say “I care about you, all of you.” then back to the beatings. The second we turned 16, we had a plan laid out, get jobs, get our mom, and get the hell out. At first it worked, we found a cheap apartment and we all stayed away, trying to heal wounds that stuck to us like a tattoo. 3 years went by without any problems, then one day we couldn’t find our mom, found her walking the road back to him, said that maybe he’d calmed down since we saw him. The next time we saw her was her picture in a headline about a suicide case. We tried to get Him in court, but no evidence could ever be found, we knew, we always knew. When He’d take us to the hotel, there was one guy, I always called him Jerry, Jerry the janitor. he was a kind old man, a grandfather to me. Jerry was one of the only things I can remember that was ever good in my early years.

When I looked at him, I pointed and he nodded. Nostalgia is one of the scariest things the human mind can conjure, it makes you paint over all the bad parts of your memory till only the things you like are left. I felt like I was fading away, a kind of falling sensation, then I jolted awake. I packed my bags and rushed out of the hotel, it was morning. I left my car as I walked down the road and back to my apartment. I wanted to forget again.

I don’t know how long it’s been now, the calendar is old and torn, and I just want the monster to come for me. That’s the worst part of it all isn’t it? As much as I want it there never was a monster, He’s just a human. As I wilt away like the flower on my desk, slumped over and deprived, I want to disappear, and maybe I will, but for now I’ll wilt. I’ll break away. I don’t know who this is for anymore, I just need people to hear it.

Hey man, I know you’ll find this, somehow. Don’t come looking, I’ll be long gone by the time you see it. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.